I’m an enormous fan of the Olympic Video games however they current a little bit of a quandary after they overlap with the AFL season.
Which will get priority? The grand worldwide stage or the nationwide obsession?
Properly, as someone with a killer haircut as soon as put it, “I need all of it!”
However easy methods to mix these two very completely different flavours? The reply could be to reimagine Olympic occasions – just a bit bit – to accommodate the inclusion of a number of the AFL’s most fun expertise.
Right here then is my proposal for some late additions to the Australian Olympic workforce and the sporting occasions that they promise to take by storm.
(Fake) Archery
Essendon’s Xavier Duursma is the standout candidate. There needed to be some goal for that long-perfected William Inform aim celebration and now we all know.
Creative Gymnastics (Publish-goal – in Spite of all of the Hazard)
Little question coaches maintain their breath each time a aim is kicked lately, with many a misplaced excessive 5 discovering its method right into a teammate’s eye socket. Fremantle’s Michael Frederick upped the ante in final yr’s Western Derby, performing a near-perfect backflip.
To not be outdone, younger Gold Coast ahead Lloyd Johnston repeated the manoeuvre throughout this yr’s conflict in opposition to Carlton. This being Olympic choice, I’ll go together with the Queenslander.
Marcus Bontempelli. (Photograph by Dylan Burns/AFL Pictures through Getty Photographs)
Basketball (Background)
After all there may be Magpie veteran Scott ‘higher than Patty Mills’ Pendlebury. However even he’s sick and uninterested in the ‘basketball background’ epithet, so I’m going to provide him a break and look to the subsequent era.
There are a number of worthy contenders, together with the Dockers’ Luke Jackson, Demon Christian Petracca and Bulldog Marcus Bontempelli. I’ll go for the Bont. Some say that as a junior he was higher than Scott Pendlebury.
(Inept) Boxing
The times of Huge Dangerous Barry Corridor are lengthy gone. Present AFL guidelines would possibly give a quiet nod to the cagey physique puncher however the left-right mixture has grow to be all however extinct.
Jesse Hogan tried it in opposition to Lewis Younger within the Giants’ Spherical 6 encounter with Carlton however, in response to the Tribunal, managed solely negligible influence.
A more-than-handy full ahead, however contained in the ring Jesse couldn’t bruise a grape. He appears to be like ripe for choice right here.
Breaking (Dangerous)
I believe Saint-turned-sinner Jimmy Webster now has the road cred to crush it on this new, urban-inspired Olympic occasion (oh alright, sport).
As soon as a comparatively nameless toiler, Webster sprung to notoriety this yr with an act of violence in opposition to North Melbourne so stunning that it prompted Roo’s coach Alastair Clarkson to go all Sopranos on him. He’s served his time, now he can serve his nation.
Canoe Slalom (Macho Part)
I’m no professional on the whitewater sport. It nonetheless largely brings to thoughts these outdated Solo Man commercials. So I’m going to appoint Port Adelaide’s moustachioed heart-throb Ivan Soldo. I hope he can swim.
Diving (Extra in Hope than Expectation)
Brisbane’s Joe Daniher provides one other Queenslander (sensu Greg Inglis) to the squad.
Joe Daniher. (Photograph by Dylan Burns/AFL Pictures through Getty Photographs)
Fencing (In)
On this age of workforce defence, corralling an opponent is a necessary talent. It’s truly not very laborious. Most gamers can do it. I decide … oh … Hawthorn’s Errol Flynn lookalike Harry Morrison.
Soccer (As in Soccer)
I’m certain you expect me to delve via a number of off-the-ground aim of the yr contenders, searching for the AFL equal to Lionel Messi.
However let’s face it, it’s goalkeepers like Mark Bosnich, Mark Schwarzer and Matty Ryan who’ve made Australia’s greatest mark on the World Sport.
So I’m on the lookout for a goalkeeping sort and as ordinary YouTube offers the reply – Carlton’s Blake Acres. Take a look at the clip. If the Rating Evaluation says ‘Behind’, you possibly can guess that Blake has had a hand in it.
Handball (Dodgy)
It actually could possibly be anyone lately. Again within the Nineteen Nineties, the ‘Crow throw’ used to infuriate opposition supporters. But it surely quickly grew to become a case of when you can’t beat them, be part of them.
For legacy causes I’m going to pick an Adelaide participant. Irish hurler Mark Keane has received away with some beauties this yr however fails to qualify on residential grounds, so I’ll go together with younger Jake Soligo. He’s fairly slick.
(Horse) Hockey
After a current match in opposition to the Dockers, Collingwood defender Isaac Quaynor compounded his on-field lie about touching the ball by confessing to it. Not an ideal act of deceit however adequate to e book a ticket to Paris.
Capturing (for Purpose)
Full ahead has all the time been the glamour place of Aussie Guidelines. However together with the charisma, these footy marksmen require nerves of metal.
My present favorite is Eagles shock packet Jake Waterman however at the least one Bombers fan has insisted to me that Peter Wright’s kicking motion is so thrilling it must be X-rated. I’m nothing if not democratic – Wright it’s.
Browsing (Whereas Injured)
One for the daredevils. Fremantle legend Nat Fyfe was raked over by aggro broadcaster Kane Cornes a couple of years again bro, however nonetheless retains charging. Teahopo’o awaits!
Water Polo (Particular Ruckmen’s Division)
I shortly pencilled in Bomber Sam Draper for this spot within the workforce however we have already got two Essendon gamers.
I believe the large West Australian Cat, Toby Conway, has some Draper-like qualities, so I’m going to take a punt on him. I hope he can work out easy methods to get his horse into the water.
Wrestling (for Place)
Soccer lore has it that there have been sure individuals who you simply didn’t wrestle. Tony Lockett. Yabby Denims.
Whereas no person fairly suits that class lately, being a key ahead or a key defender nonetheless requires some fairly superior expertise within the grappling caper.
Melbourne’s Steven Might is pretty much as good as any of them. And he’d make an exquisite heel if he ever turned professional.
Hawthorn Hawks
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Sat, 8 Jun 2024, 13:45
West Coast Eagles
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North Melbourne Kangaroos
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