G’day Gaggers and welcome to a different bursting Friday’s Rugby Information.
As we speak we cowl extra floor than my first spouse’s shadow, so first up, let’s hook in with ‘Spankfest’. Take pleasure in one other FRN unique with ‘Sorry, Black Kant’. Revisit painful recollections in ‘Faking It’? Look what’s occurring at planet Wallaroo with ‘Leaving On A Jet Aircraft’. Take a look at the newest information for our wheelchair rugby athletes in ‘Bronzed Aussies’. Earlier than a glance into the close to future with ‘Extra Than Biscuits‘. And eventually, limp exhausted right into a mammoth ‘Friday’s Goss’ with Hoss’. Very similar to it’s creator, so large, so bulging, it has extra chins than a Chinese language phonebook.
Spankfest.
FISM’s v Us. Argentina someplace. Sunday 08th September 4.00am AEST. On STAN
How good are these back-to-back mini excursions throughout this years Rugby Championship!
Not solely do us followers get handled to a correct spectacle, however the staff get time away collectively. They get to forge bonds, work uninterrupted, hone expertise and sport plans, all below the tutelage of our teaching cohort. And away from unrealistic fan expectations and actually shitty journalism, like The Roar.
Lots spoken about final week’s efforts from out lot verse the FISM’s. However for mine, it was a ‘Group 7’ and the most effective outing below St Joe to date. I assumed that the majority of our lot merely executed their core roles effectively. I assumed our defence was excellent (what’s the outdated adage of defence = staff tradition?), the scrum was strong, the lineout excellent and the kick-off receipt, effectively, it blew chunks. However no one is ideal, but.
Now to this week. The drums are beating loudly, that each Noah & Tom Wright have ‘pulled up lame’ after final weeks win and have been humanely euthanised and will likely be changed by Ben ‘why couldn’t you do this in opposition to Italy and we might have had Rennie as an alternative of the poison dwarf’ Donaldson at #10, with Mad Max Jorgo to get a begin at #15. Additional information has Salakaia-Loto additionally out injured. Which is an actual disgrace, he has definitely grow to be our enforcer within the pack. And if he can eradicate the dropped ball per sport from his rugby modus operandi, now we have an actual centre piece to construct round (is it simply me or would he be an superior #6 to go with Frost / Smith/ Swain/ Williams / Blythe & Skelton as locks?).
What stood out for me the place small moments that became large ones and the impression of our personal mongrel canine, Tizzano. Don’t for a minute thinks that’s a slight on CT, removed from it. It’s an actual praise. Greater than some other ahead, CT relishes the confrontation. In reality, I reckon he craves it. And the extra prepared it turns into, the extra he shines. I consider he’s 57 profitable tackles from 57 makes an attempt throughout the RC at current. Plus he bought 3 turnovers of his personal final week. Plus, it was his chopping sort out that allowed Gus Bell his turnover.
As for another moments. Sideshow Bob operating straight excessive of Kremmer didn’t get sufficient assessment. Kremmer is a bodily monster and SB left him sprawled on the bottom, like Keith on the lookout for a greenback coin, sluggish to his toes and rattled for some time after. Fergie Ikitau had his greatest sport in gold for over a 12 months. His palms, toes and energy in touch is excellent. Till now, I assumed him fortunate to maintain his spot. After final week, he can be amongst the primary chosen. Lastly, that ‘outside-in’ hit of Bell’s within the second half received us turnover ball and few phases later, it was Bell at halfback, handing off for SB to attain and produce us proper again into it.
The opposite participant who doesn’t get the wraps he deserves is The Fez, Matt Faessler. He merely goes about his work with out fuss or fanfare. His scrummage work is great, his lineout throwing at all times reliable. He makes his tackles and hits his rucks. He won’t ever doubtless make a highlights reel, however our staff is at all times significantly better with him beginning. I additionally had a chuckle with the selective reminiscence on many followers on right here calling for the return of BPA. Let’s be crystal we could, his throwing was fully shite when he first wore gold. Therefore his nickname of ‘lightning’: he by no means hit the identical spot twice. Certain he has been in France, however so have I and I didn’t come again a greater hooker.
General, I actually favored what I noticed final week. Are we going to beat SA, the Oirish or Nazi Get together hosts, France anytime quickly? No. However we are going to push the wobbly Minstrels within the Bledisloe and we are going to make it 2 from 2 at fulltime this Sunday AEST.
I’ll submit the groups right here when identified
Fearless Prediction: Dry observe. Good pack. Enhancing staff. Us by 12.
Sorry, Black Kant.
In one other Friday unique*, now we have been offered a replica of the SARU written apology to the Black & White Minstrels, previously generally known as the ‘All Blacks’ for the shenannigans throughout their haka within the crime capital of the universe, Jo’Burg. Greatest learn with a heavy South African accent, or aggressive, phlegmy, chest cough:
‘Pricey Mr Foster,
On behalf of the worlds best ever rugby nation, we wish to prolong to you an apology for the peerlessly timed and fully unscheduled interruption to your little Polynesian jig final week.
While we could also be the most effective staff in rugby, by a long way, with the most effective coach, gamers, followers and directors, we might by no means stoop to ways such because the unlucky accident that noticed a superbly choreographed mixture of fireworks, rock and roll music and a flyover from a 747 happen, throughout your Hakarena.
We perceive, maintain pricey and cherish how essential the tongue wagging, thigh slapping is to you little insignificant individuals and guarantee you that we might by no means knowingly disrespect your dance carnival.
For the report, it wouldn’t have made a distinction anyway as we’re clearly superior to you in each rugby sense. Properly that and one other Nice Britain referee gifting us and undeserved win, with horrendous calls at crucial levels.
Now that the statue of limitations has additionally expired, we might additionally prefer to apologise for poisoning your 1995 RWC last aspect, at their staff breakfast a couple of years again. We had hoped for easy nausea, however full blown diarrhoea was a bonus for our staff. Having mentioned that, if we had any thought these occasions would have result in Matt Damon’s portrayal of revered skipper, Franscois Pienaar alongside our President, Morgan Freeman, we might by no means have achieved it. Even now we have our limits.
We look ahead to resuming hostilities with you this weekend and as soon as once more proving you might be nothing in comparison with us. Additional we are able to nearly promise that the Haka will likely be given the complete South African respect it deserves. Apart from, scheduled flights at the moment usually are not accessible and Jo’burg residents stole the remaining fireworks and audio gear anyway.
Yours in Rugby
Jaque-Hanhs Phlegmgeittner
President SARU.‘
Faking It.
Not since my honeymoon to ‘Pacific Palms Vacationer Park & Truck Relaxation Cease’, has allegations of ‘faking it’, made me so rattling mad.
This week the sheikh’s of shite, the Rasputin’s of rugby, the DDW’s, had absolutely the temerity to assert that the pinnacle accidents the Wallabies suffered in opposition to them in Perth, had been the truth is ‘faked’. Little greater than a ruse to have uncontested scrums!
Yep, the staff that purchased us video abuse of match officers, whose fatty’s feign damage each 2 minutes to decelerate play. Who’s footwear require coach consideration each 73.26 seconds and who’s head coach spent the whole thing of 2020 – 2023 on the sphere as ‘water boy’, has accused the Wallabies of faking head accidents, extracting benefit by milking the principles for their very own profit.
Pot-kettle-black anybody?
Leaving on a Jet Aircraft.
Our Wallaroos aspect flies out at this time, headed north.
The staff are heading to the land of heat beers and chilly hearts, as a part of a pre WV2 hit-out and in addition for 2025 RWC preparations in England.
The staff will face Wales & Eire, the latter celebrating it’s one hundred and fiftieth anniversary of rugby and of by no means making a RWC semi-final. After these matches the Wallaroos get caught into the WXV2 comp in opposition to Wales, Italy, South Africa & Japan.
Aussie Coach Jo Yapp has nailed our golden colors to the mast, declaring her aspect will win the WXV2. This is able to be a welcome confidence enhance to our staff, after an peculiar WXV 1 marketing campaign. Go effectively golden ones.
Squad particulars accessible right here. WXV2 fixture particulars accessible right here
Bronzed Aussies.
Massive shout out to our Wheelchair Rugby staff, the Steelers, who’ve received bronze within the Paralympics this week.
After the heartbreak of an additional time loss to Japan, that noticed a rooky mistake from our most skilled participant, present Japan an equalising strive in common time, it will have been straightforward to throw the lollies on the ground on this sport and miss a medal altogether.
And never solely did our staff reply, they did so by beating 2020 gold medallists and the staff who beat them within the opening spherical match at these video games, Nice Britain: 50-48.
Skipper Chris Bond went on to say: “It was so disheartening yesterday once we battered out of the semi-final in the way in which we did, the truth that we had the sport in our palms, and we misplaced,”
“However we advised the staff to simply let that sink in, use that as gas for motivation at this time, we at all times needed to complete on high and get a win. Two thirds of our staff coming in had by no means obtained a Paralympic medal earlier than, and now they’re Paralympic medallists.
.Properly achieved to our staff on profitable a video games medal. I’d extremely suggest you learn the wonderful article from paralympic.org.au for extra.
Extra Than Biscuits.
Information late Thursday from the SMH’s Iain Payten that the loooooong talked about Anzac Day Check between us and people of the Poxy Isles, set to be authorized for 2026. Not solely that, however it will be the centre piece of SRP ‘Tremendous Spherical’ to be held in a metropolis that truly helps rugby and even higher, even has a staff within the competitors: Perth. Take that Invoice Pulver.
The transfer is welcome information after the sheep shaggers and the Dutch Dust Farmers introduced formal excursions of every others nations in 2026 & 2030, believed to comprise 8 matches in complete. In a hark again to olden days, that might imply 3 exams & 5 mid week video games.
Payten experiences that for the reason that Saffa’s SR sides chased the Euro, each unions have checked out methods to milk the money cow that’s broadcasting rights. Enter stage proper, SA’s personal ‘SuperSport’ community.
With so many shifting elements to this story, when you can, be sure you learn the SMH article.
Friday’s Goss’ with Hoss.
Kiwi’s Steal Kiwi.
Bloody typical huh. Thieving bastards.
Not content material with copying our flag, the South Australian accent, our type of authorities, roads, vehicles and democratic underpinnings and our rightful sole place on this a part of the pacific, turns our they’ve additionally stolen our chicken, for their nationwide image.
Yep, in accordance with rnz.co.nz, the stunted emu, was truly Australian all alongside. Certain, we would have borrowed Phar Lap, Lamingtons, the Pavlova, Russell Crowe, Crowded Home, Dragon, (Sunny Brew is all yours) and some different issues. However as quickly as their careers are over, or they’re useless, or in a tawdry press headline, we rapidly relinquish possession. That’s the kind of associates we’re. However you guys? Take, take, take.
You higher hope China doesn’t begin eyeing you off for ‘liberation’. Aint no ‘Z’ in AUKUS, child!
POD Gods
Nice to have The Rugby Report Card staff be part of with our personal Happyman and swearologist KARL, for a joint Speaking Groups podcast this week, for a assessment of the current RC matches. Some terrific insights and one or two actually fascinating options as effectively. Simply remember, the language will get a bit fruity, so greatest to avoid kiddies ears.
Hunter Rugby Wants Me.
It seems the HRU are after a GM to assist Darren Coleman in his plans on the Wildfires for complete world rugby domination. Earlier than I resolve if I ought to allow them to interview me, a couple of questions should foirst e answered:
- Are workers beatings inspired?
- Are Honest Work Australia legal guidelines simply used as a tough information?
- Is 100% work at home accessible?
- Would any forensic IT searchs be performed on my offered laptop computer?
HRU, you actually can’t afford to overlook out on me, see contact particulars under.
Murderball for Yow Dummies.
Ever questioned in regards to the methods, tactis and guidelines round Murderball? Properly price a watch – youtube.com
Kiss of Loss of life.
Uh oh.
It could seem Steve Borthwick’s days are absolutely numbered, with RFU’s chief exec trotting out the ol’ ‘100% help for Steve’ quote on stuff.co.unzud. The info appear indeniable. Steve Borthwick has gone by way of extra assistants than Eddie Jones this 12 months and twice as many as Razor has! The current departures of Aled Walters & Felix Jones has rattled the Pommy setup, resulting in the CEO dying driving the quickly to be, former Cleaning soap Dodgers coach. I’m certain the ‘100% ‘help quote will evolve over coming days to ‘full board help’ after which metamorphosis into ‘a full and thorough assessment’. Earlier than an advert pops up within the Sunday Occasions for a coach with ‘worldwide expertise for a gig across the Twickenham space’.
Your reporter reached out to Eddie Jones to deal with rumours he has utilized for the quickly to be vacant English function, to which I used to be advised, from the again of a black high close to Hyde Park, sporting a monocle, a tweed jacket with leather-based patches and a strolling cane: ‘I don’t know what you’re speaking about, outdated chappy. Toodle pip’.
Kiwi Picnic. Sorry, ‘Panic’.
What do you name mass modifications to a Kiwi aspect, who’re equal with us on Rugby Championship wins? Pffft, neglect about ‘renewal’ or ‘incredible alternative’ or any of these different masking phrases. The Kiwis have made 26 modifications for this weekends second check in opposition to the Boks and are in determined search of a win.
The primary 4 casualties on this panicked resolution are the benching of the one Barrett with out a check match crimson card, Beauden and 43yo halfback PJ Paranoia. Luke Jacobson is again on the bench and Wallace Sititi earns his first beginning cap.
Think about a Kiwi loss and third place on the RC desk…………………spooky huh.
New Zealand (15-1): Will Jordan; Sevu Reece, Rieko Ioane, Jordie Barrett, Mark Tele’a; Damian McKenzie, Cortez Ratima; Ardie Savea, Sam Cane, Wallace Sititi; Tupou Vaa’i, Scott Barrett (capt); Tyrel Lomax, Codie Taylor, Tamaiti Williams Replacements: Asafo Aumua, Ofa Tu’ungafasi, Fletcher Newell, Sam Darry, Luke Jacobson, TJ Perenara, Anton Lienert-Brown, Beauden Barrett
Dolly, Pardon?
New Pressure recruit Nic ‘Boobs’ Dolly is itching to go for season 2025. Born in Sydney (traitor) Boobs moved to Boris World in 2017 and loved stints with Sale Sharks, Coventry and Leicester Tigers. Knowledgeable rugby individuals converse extremely of Boobs and I perceive Wallaby coaches are excited to have him again on Ozsoil too.
It’s a Miracle: 2.0
Siya Kolisi has recovered from a fractured face, severed leg and a kidney transplant to rise from his hospital mattress to steer the Boks this weekend. Impressed by the restoration of the alleged pistol whipper final week, Kolisi will lead a staff consisting of 5 modifications.
Probably the most startling of all Rassies modifications? A 5:3 cut up on the bench! Though the three backs are two former locks and an #8.
Springboks (15-1): Willie le Roux; Canan Moodie, Jesse Kriel, Damian de Allende, Cheslin Kolbe; Handre Pollard, Grant Williams; Jasper Wiese, Pieter-Steph du Toit, Siya Kolisi (capt); Ruan Nortje, Eben Etzebeth; Frans Malherbe, Bongi Mbonambi, Ox Nche. Replacements: Malcolm Marx, Gerhard Steenekamp, Vincent Koch, Kwagga Smith, Elrigh Louw, Jaden Hendrikse, Sacha Feinberg-Mngomezulu, Lukhanyo Am.
Fearless Prediction: I can’t ever choose SA, except its in opposition to a NH aspect for the RWC. No remark.
Till subsequent week – I would like a lie down.
Hoss -out.
*unique might not be fully dependable.
