Down By The River – Bike Snob NYC

As an urbanite and “woosie” (although the previous implies the latter so I’m already squandering phrases), I’m not significantly eager about bikepacking or disappearing into the desert for days on finish or no matter else you see on these desert hipster web sites. More often than not, my ideally suited trip begins and ends at residence, and my thought of sleeping below the celebrities entails doing so on a correct mattress in a domicile with a correct toilet and a solidly-build roof between me and the heavens. Nevertheless, I’m very a lot enchanted with our native waterways:

And I admit that I generally fantasize about getting a type of packrafts, strapping it to the Jones, and taking little bikerafting daytrips. After all, it’s arduous to think about having the the time to do this (I imply positive, my life’s simple, however it’s not “Fuck it, I’ll go spend eight hours bikerafting as we speak!” simple), however nonetheless, it’s enjoyable to suppose that perhaps at some point I’d go sort out the Bronx River or one thing:

Presumably The Algorithm should know this about me, as a result of it lately served me this video:

Now, I ought to level out that I’ve solely watched the primary two minutes of this video earlier than I needed to go do one thing else, so I can under no circumstances vouch for its contents. Like, for all I do know this man’s movies are about easy methods to discover quiet spots to dump useless our bodies, and if that’s the case then I can guarantee you I had no thought. However, I did watch far sufficient to see him begin pulling rental scooters out of the river earlier than he might even get his boat in it:

As I’m positive I’ve famous on multiple event, although I’m too lazy to hyperlink to any of these events, the Bronx is the place micromobility goes to die:

There are deceased scooters and forsaken Citi Bikes down each footpath and below each overpass (or ought to that be over each underpass?). Whereas a lot of the metropolis has been spared shared scooters (say “spared shared scooters” ten instances quick), the north Bronx is residence to numerous pilot applications, and, as you may see, lots of them wind up getting piloted proper into the river. As for Citi Bike, lately the service space has lastly expanded to the northern Bronx, however the blue bikes had been already a standard sight nicely earlier than then, for this has lengthy been the ultimate resting place for the purloined and the abused.

It’s arduous to think about a expertise that has concurrently succeeded and failed as spectacularly and utterly as micromobility. When it comes to widespread adoption it has been an amazing success, and small electrical automobiles have change into ubiquitous. On the identical time, it has completely failed to meet the utopian promise of decreasing the variety of automobiles on the street, and at this level anybody who thinks it nonetheless will should be deeply delusional. Sure, I’m conscious of all of the surveys by which individuals say if it weren’t for the scooters they’d have pushed, however right here’s the factor about individuals: they are saying what they know you need them to say. Everyone knows the well-known before-and-after image of Amsterdam, a metropolis that was remodeled when it determined to take again its streets from the motorcar:

I suppose it’s attainable that in 49 years we’ll be taking a look at side-by-side photos of New York Metropolis and marveling at how small battery-powered units have remodeled the town right into a paradise, however I wouldn’t wager on it, and if something battery energy simply appears to be making all the things worse:

I too was once a micromobility optimist, and I nonetheless respect its proper to exist and compete and evolve within the laboratory of transportation evolution that’s the New York Metropolis streets. However six years later I’m not impressed, and I’ve reverted to a state of bicycle chauvinism; it’s my private perception that the pedal-powered bike does have the ability to make a metropolis higher, however all the things else is principally simply extra crap.

However what about Citi Bike? Is that additionally “simply extra crap?” Nah. I’m a bicycle chauvinist, keep in mind? I feel the e-bikes have enhanced craptacular using to an unlucky diploma, however total I really feel significantly better about Citi Bike than I do a lot of the different junk on the market. Nevertheless, I can’t relate to this in any respect: